


You Can't Win Them All

by YandereBunny



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Drabble, Gen, I am not as funny as I think I am, Teikou Era, and then Winter Cup at the end, troll!Kuroko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:58:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YandereBunny/pseuds/YandereBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternatively: How to Break Akashi Seijuro's Brain by Kuroko Tetsuya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Win Them All

**Author's Note:**

> Someone on the knb kink meme asked (like over a year ago!) for Kuroko finding a way to fuck with Akashi. Exactly 0.2 seconds after reading that, this popped into my head.  
> So, I wrote this in like 3 minutes and it's set during the Teiko arc but after Akashi's Split Personality Takeover. The ending takes place at the opening of the Winter Cup though. Right after Akashi's first appearance in the manga.
> 
> Original post/prompt: http://knb-kink.dreamwidth.org/1083.html?thread=32315#cmt32315

"Akashi-kun, you just lost The Game." It was after practice and the Teiko regulars were all enjoying eating the popsicles they'd bought from the convenience store when the phantom player uttered this sentence which had a long silence after it.

"Tetsuya," the Teiko captain began, "I think I may have heard you wrong. Kindly repeat what you just said." Despite Kise's frantic motions behind Akashi's back that Kuroko should definitely not repeat that, he did so.

"I said that you had just lost The Game."

"And what game is it that I've lost? I wasn't aware I was currently playing one."

Kuroko shrugged. "It is simply The Game," he replied. "There is no other name for it, so it is just The Game." Aomine realized what his partner was on about and quickly stifled a laugh. Oh God, this was gonna be good.

Akashi's mismatched eyes narrowed slightly at the phantom player. "And would you care to explain just how I lost this Game of yours?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"Ah, yes. Well, the rules of The Game state that as soon as you know about it, you are always playing," Kuroko began, finishing his ice and handing the stick - another winning one - to Momoi who blushed and thanked him. "And as soon as you think about The Game, you lose. Loses must be announced, and after losing The Game, you are free to think about it for up to ten minutes without losing again. The point of The Game is to get everyone in the world to play it."

"Yes, but how do you win?" the redhead asked with a slight, almost unnoticeable eyebrow twitch.

"That is simple: you do not."

The Generation of Miracles watched as their captains brain shut down on itself and he stopped speaking or moving.

"Ehhh, Aka-chin, your ice is melting," Murasakibara pointed out.

"He's gone into shock," Midorima observed, adjusting his glasses. "I don't think the possibility of a game that is impossible to win has ever crossed his mind before."

Several moments later, Akashi's mind seemed to reboot and a box cutter slid from his sleeve down into his hand. "I'll kill anything that opposes me, even if it's The Game!" he declared.

"Noo! Akashi-chi's lost his grip on reality!" Kise squeaked out.

"Did you say... 'lost'?" his captain asked, turning to face him. "I assure you, Ryouta, that I have lost nothing. And I never will. Because I, who always wins, am always right."

"Ah, Akashi-kun, it looks like your ice isn't a winning one," Kuroko said, observing the stick that had finished melting. "Better luck next time."

An inhuman shriek sounded out before Akashi's brain seemed to short-circuit again. This time, everyone was smart enough to head off before he came back to reality.

**One year later, at the opening of the Winter Cup...**

"The next time we meet, we'll be in battle," Akashi told his former teammates as he turned to leave.

"Akashi-kun," Kuroko called out to him from where he stood next to a still-traumatized Kagami at the bottom of the stairs.

"Tetsuya." A moment of silence passed before:

"You just lost The Game."

**Author's Note:**

> I am so not funny. Everyone reading this just lost The Game.


End file.
